Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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