you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
