This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
