I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
