woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
