It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
