I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
