is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
