bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize