Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
