I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
