she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
