Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
