i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
