the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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