forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
