When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize