I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
