My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
