i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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