Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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