champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
