There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
