so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
