the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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