just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
