Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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