that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
