That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
