dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
