Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
