I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I could make wine with my vomit
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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