dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
