I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
