i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
