We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
