The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
