i need an iv and a liver transplant
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
