What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
