i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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