Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
