i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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