you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
