I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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