I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
