the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
