There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
