dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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