i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
