Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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