Your face is a jimmy john
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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