Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As shirtless as possible
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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