I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
