in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize