i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
