currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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