Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
