I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
