I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
