the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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