During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
