yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
