I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
