My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
