I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
