i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
