im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
