This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
