Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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