dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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