READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bring me that man meat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
