Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
