He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No I am not eating basil off your cock
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
